I need to get away. I need to figure out who I really am. I think I’m just trying to make myself believe that I’ve got everything under control, when in reality, I’m clueless. I’m lost and I have no idea what to do next. I don’t even know.
I hate it when people tell me they can see the sadness in my eyes. Or hear the sadness in my voice. I hate it because it just means that I’m not trying hard enough to hide my feelings. Which means people will see right through me. See the depressing side of me. I hate that.
I think it’s hard for me to let go because i simply just dont want to. I find myself wanting to stay stuck in the past, which is not a very good thing. Maybe it’s because holding on to the past makes me think that it will come back or stay. When in reality, that won’t happen. I’m just afraid to let go because I’m worried that I won’t ever find that happiness that I once had. I don’t even know if I make sense right now. But yeah.
Instead of actually hearing your voice at night, I end up having to listen to voicemails from you. And instead of actually talking to you, I end up re-reading all our old conversations.
I’m up all night missing you. While you’re probably not missing me. And it sucks.
Hey Nikki, I just wanted to check and see if you're okay, which is probably stupid to ask. But I'm going through similar problems, so..if you need someone to talk to, i got you! ..when i'm off anon, ahah.